i'm still here...

Lately I have had this craving.

For adventure, I suppose.

For the smell of a coffee shop and the busyness

outside its window. For the artwork just down  

the road or a museum to peruse through endless

in thought.  I miss wearing peacoats and carrying

umbrellas and walking down the street – normally

feeling bigger than the surrounding buildings.

For romance too.

Adventure & romance. They go hand in hand,

don’t you think?

…

I’ve been witnessing the very things I’ve

cried out for come true. I’ve watched them unfold

within me and around me. It’s like witnessing a true

miracle. There’s been such joy in this new season.

It’s kind of funny to say, but through the heartache

of the past few years (or rather the healing) – I’ve

found I’m already looking back and some how

missing it.

Not because I felt so close to God then and now

I do not.  No, that’s not it at all.  Rather, I think,

because there was safety and routine and rhythm

in this past season. I came to fit into it and be

content in it as if it were my own skin.

I’m glad things are changing. It means I’m walking

more into my calling. Going deeper still. Witnessing

the very hand of God in my life. I’m working out a

new rhythm with the Lord.  I’m working out contentment

in certain areas.

Things are changing. It’s a new season.

The very one You promised.

It’s a season of life. The blooms fade not. The trees

yield their fruit twelve months of the year.

I’m thankful.

I’m still a little distant. Or cautious.

I enjoy secrets still – just between me & Him.

I doubt this part will ever change.

If you could see me now.

I laugh again. I really laugh again.






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mornings & hills

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Wigglesworth & a big hello again...

“There are many things in your life that you cannot

understand. But be patient, for when the Hand of

God is upon a thing, it may grind very slowly, but it

will form the finest thing possible, if you dare wait

until the end of it.

Don't kick until you are through, and when you are

dead enough, you will never kick at all. It is a death

come to death, that we might be alive unto God. It

is only by the deaths we die that we are able to be

still.”                            - Smith Wigglesworth

I've been rooting around in my carpet bag full of words searching

for the most descriptive of sorts in hopes that somehow I can

portray to you all the good and wonderful ways of our loving

God.  (and even so, the ways He is working in me.)

It’s been months since I have written. My hope is to push myself

to write more often now, but perhaps it may be only wishful hoping

and I may take another five months to write again.  Only time will

show you and me.

I’m full of thought. Provoked by the exquisite love of God. I go to

read… Ephesians or Titus or just any book of the Bible and I feel

the tears well up in my eyes and my heart does some sort of nose-

dive and I am totally aware that I am on the brink of  dangerous love.

Righteousness.

“He who knew no sin became sin that we might become the righteous-

ness of God in Christ Jesus.”  2 Corinthians

Healing.

“I have seen their ways, but I will heal them. I will guide them and

restore comfort creating praise on the lips of the mourners. Peace,

peace to those far and near,” says the Lord, “and I will heal them.”

Isaiah

Love.

^“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has

blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms

because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the

 world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without

 fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own

 family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he

wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.”

Ephesians

As of late, these things are vivid in my heart – shifting my focus, pouring

over me with the purest of love, revealing the beautiful mystery of God’s

goodness and faithfulness, making me strong, and captivating my heart

in a way that, I fear and so hope, will ruin me for good.

I hope to elaborate soon. I hope it’s only a matter of a day or two (not

150) before I write again.  

i want to breathe out what He is breathing in.....
I am being refined in deep ways. I'm in the fire,

pressed on all sides, and I am looking to Him because

I am trusting His plan really is not to harm me but

to prosper me. 

I love Him.