He wants me. All of me. In His eyes, I have always been perfect. His desire burns for me.
Work ends. The same journey home begins. The wind down. The frustration of small town drivers who pretend they know what city driving is like... But this time, I forget about the routine. He is calling me.
The longest route home has become my new dream... My heart floods with so much to say to my King. Like a friend I haven't quite opened up to in awhile....it all pours out so easily. Every word drenched in desperation for Him - for His presence, His purpose, His love.
Forever changed by His love. How much easier could it be said? I watched the sun set through the wide open sky - deep colours that caught my attention reminding me of Your unchanging faithfulness. I have been ruined. I will never want another the way I desire You. I know when I need peace - You are Peace. When I need to settle down - You become my Hiding Place. You meet me - before words leave my mouth. You hear the deep of me long before it surfaces.
I know in You - I am standing on solid ground. I know in You - I am beautiful. I know in You - nothing else matters. Though things don't go my way. Though I do not half- the-time understand. Though I become insecure. Though I fear.
You make my world secure. You make my world calm. You call my mess beautiful. Only You. You have ruined me.
Find me here in my insecurities. Where my mind and heart and body can't seem to rest. Find me here amidst the noise and chaos. Find me here... ruin me with Your love.
Anyone know any good music that you can cry to? I am so in need of a good cry - too, too much has happened all at once. Though I trust the goodness of Father - I am still trying to process this turn in my life. So deep in my soul, I know and trust the faithfulness of God. Inwardly, my words are few. I don't know if I have any....
. . . . . . . . . . . . .
And what is with DESIRE? It burns deep. There are moments I do not know how to bear such a big burden. DESIRE. It leaves me speechless and at the same time - moved to intercession. Intercession with no words. Probably more powerful than I could fathom.
I am at a loss on all sides. I trust the timing of words again. I trust my life (and my families lives) to Your hands, King. Meet me here in this desert.
i can't stop looking at these photographs. my nieces are the most precious little girls in the world.
joe & my sis and their two daughters moved to the Philippines this past april. they are going to try living there for at least a year. so this is their first christmas in a different country with new cultural traditions.
i am going to miss them so much for the holiday. i feel like an only child now. but aside from that, aren't these photos just so wonderful?!
Yesterday i found this wonderful treasure for my room in my favorite antique shop...
yesterday my mom and i went to 3 different antique stores - i want to put up maps of specific places in my room and she helped me search through tons of maps to find the perfect ones! I ended up with 24 old maps for $10! Thank God for my mom....
and yesterday, i think there were finally words to say to reconcile all things past with my dearest constant... 8 more days to see his fab face!
Hours of rummaging through antique stores & old maps, and then old photographs with old memories and good conversation. Playing my guitar again and healing conversations....a good day.
"My lover said to me, 'Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one! Look, the winter is past, and the rains are over and gone. The flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds has come, and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air. The fig trees are forming young fruit, and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming. Rise up, my darling! Come away with me, my fair one!'
hours have escaped me. 2 am and i am still here. dreaming a little - for the first time in so long...my own dreams.
yesterday i did some cleaning out. today i saw myself as beautiful again. today i've been inspired in creativity. even went to an art show! sigh, i love it when my unartistic town celebrates such wonderful works...
i'll probably be a mess tomorrow for not taking care of myself tonight. i need sleep. i know it is true.
i guess i don't want to fall asleep yet... because tonight, i have hope. tonight, i believe. tonight, i trust. tonight, i smile. tonight....
He has thwarted me on all sides. It seems that whether it would be friends or a social life, exercise, eating, or even daydreams... He will not let me run to anything but Him.
"You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God..." Exodus 20:4-5a
It seems He has only allowed me access to certain people. Blessed me with them, rather. Moments of sincere, honest, painful conversation that bring life and healing on both sides - yet provoke me to the depths of my heart: wounds and laughter. He has become so absolutely selective with who He allows in my life and to share my time with. I know He is protecting me - it is Sacred.
He wants me. My whole heart. He wants to heal the depths of this rugged mess and unveil my eyes to see Truth and Love.
His thwarting is His bid for freedom and blessing and life and laughter for me. Oh, He loves me!